Sibling rivalry

by Alyssa Golding
(London)

Me and my husband Jason became parents in 2004, I was 24 and he was 28, when our little boy Zachary was born. He was beautiful and we loved him from the second we laid eyes on him.

As quite well off people through my job as an accountant and Jason running his own finance advice business, we made sure that he wanted for nothing. We tried not to spoil him however it was hard because we loved him so much and wanted him to be happy all the time. I didn't go back to work as Jason's business was thriving and still is today, and so I stayed at home to look after my son as I didn't want a nanny or a childminder to get a look in. He was my son and I wanted to be the one to take care of him, that was my choice and I'm still glad now that I made that decision as I haven't missed a thing.


In September 2009 I found out I was pregnant. Me and Jason were shocked as this pregnancy was totally out of the blue and we were quite content at having only one child. It was all we had planned to have. Although after about three weeks of knowing it soon sank in and we started to get excited. This was our baby and we knew we would love and provide for it as well as we had done for Zachary, we couldn't wait until it was born. I couldn't wait to tell Zachary he would have somebody to play with however we decided to wait until after the 12 week scan. It was there we were told we were having twins. We kind of looked at each other for a second, Jason looked horrified and I had to laugh. His face relaxed and we both smiled because we knew how lucky we were really to be blessed with not one but two more children. Now I really couldn't wait to tell little Zach.

When we got home we sat him down, he was five by now and so we felt we could talk to him properly. I said we had some exciting news for him and he needed to be a very good boy because he was going to be a big brother. At this he threw his toy train down and ran upstairs crying. Jason just sat staring after him in utter shock and I struggled to think of what I had said wrong. Maybe I should have built it up a bit? Anyway, we both went straight upstairs after him, he had never had such an outburst as this and we were both so worried as to what was worrying him. At this he replied that a boy at school called Kieron had a little brother and he said that all they did was cry and take your toys and your parents love them more, Kieron wanted to kill it. This seemed so silly I almost laughed, kids said that in books and films, not in real life. They loved having siblings didn't they? I had two and couldn't imagine being so bored as to be an only child. Jason jumped in before I could. He told Zach that even though being a big brother meant that sometimes you had to share your toys and hear a few crys now and then, that it was the best thing in the world. He would be able to play with his siblings, teach them, feed them, help look after them and they would love him very much because he was their big brother.


At this Zach stopped crying a little, it broke my heart that he hated the idea of being a big brother and I had to stop from crying myself. An hour ago I had been so happy at the thought of my life, now I was struggling to come to terms with the fact my little boy was so distraught at having to share his toys with his little brother(s)/sister(s). Zach started crying again. He cried about how silly mummy was, couldn't we just take them out my tummy and give them to somebody else. He didn't want them. I stroked his hair and told him we would love all of them the same, and Kieron was a silly little boy with no heart, I felt like being harsh. Jason asked if he wanted to play football and they went out to play together.


As my pregnancy progressed and my bump grew till I resembled a heffalump, I couldn't help worrying how Zach would react when his sisters were actually out of me. (We had found out they were both girls at 20 week scan) I went on numerous websites and chat rooms and researched new siblings and rivalry etc, and when I came across a story of an 8 year olf girl who had chucked her baby sister down the stairs I was appalled. Would I be able to cope with such rivalry in my house? Zachary sometimes stared so long and hard at my growing bump and I wondered what he was thinking, did he want my babies to be dead? Jason told me not to be so silly. Zachary was such a loving and gentle child, true, but why was it so hard for him to come to terms with having two baby sisters? Had we spoiled him too much? Couldn't he bear having to share us with anyone else now? How could I make sure I spread my attention so evenly between three demanding children? I fretted and ached and worried and stressed until I went into labour at 33 weeks. Sienna and Hayvern were born, both at a healthy 6 pounds each. They were absolutely gorgeous. With dark hair and blue eyes like their big brother, me and Jason both cried. When we took them home, I hope hoped and prayed that Zachary would change his mind about these little angels. He was their big brother, they needed him.

I left Jason in the lounge with the girls whilst I hobbled very slowly to find Zachary in the kitchen. He didn't know they were born, I had gone into labour when he was at school and I told mum to just say I was at the hospital for a night. He didn't question it apparently. He ran up to me straight away and gave me a massive hug. I said ouch because I was still in a lot of pain from the birth, 67 stitches, and he looked up at me in confusion. It was then, I think, that he realised mummy didn't have a bump any more. He frowned, did you have them taken out? He asked. Yes, they came out Zach I smiled. Did you get rid of them? He asked innocently. I froze. Oh Zach, of course we didn't, would you like to meet you baby sisters. Zach looked shocked, like he didn't know what to do. I held out my hand and he took it slowly, I led him down the hall and into the lounge where Jason was putting Sienna in her Moses basket out of her car-seat. She looked so small. I looked down at Zach, 'go on' I nodded. He walked tentatively to the other side of the room and stood in the middle of the two pink moses baskets looking down at the wonders within them. He reached a hand out, I think it was to Sienna and stroked her little hand. My heart nearly melted. I felt so much love for my family. He turned around and smiled at me and Jason. I smiled back and said these are your baby sisters, Sienna and Hayvern, you are going to have to help me a lot mr. To that he replied I know. That was it. No pushing the moses baskets over, no tantrums, no tears, just that. I had worried and stressed so much at how it would be when they were born. He had shown no interest in the pregnancy really whatsoever, and had nearly resented it when I couldn't run around with him any more. Yet here he was, and he was besotted.
The girls are one now and thriving and stunning. Their big brother loves them to pieces and despite the odd tantrum about Hayvern spitting her food at him, he seems ecstatic with having some more children in the house.

Sibing rivalry, I am sure it will come when they hit secondry school, but right now I don't know why I worried all those months because sibling love also exists, Zach is so fiercely protective of his sisters and I can't imagine ever having to worry about Zach throwing his sisters down the stairs!


Comment from New Baby & Beyond

Hi Alyssa,
Thank you for sharing your heart warming story with us all. It just goes to show, that you never can tell with children!
I'm sure that handsome little Zach will always see himself as a protector for his beautiful sisters.

You must be very proud to have such a lovely family :)

Kind regards
Julie