Miscarriage - Why Me?!

You look up miscarriage here on the internet and you will be presented with hundreds of statistics, and neatly co-ordinated facts about this topic, I'm not going to do it that way.

I'm going to start by telling you about the miscarriage that I suffered, how I felt... even that now I still think about the baby I lost when it gets to the time that would of been his or her birthday.Then I'll go on to try and explain a few things in a human way, (not in doctors terms) I'm not a doctor and therefore this page is my understanding of things that I have read, or things that I actually went through.

It's not an easy subject to write about and if you're here, then its more than likely because you have gone through this, are going through this now, or are worried in case it happens to you. I just want to say that you have my fullest sympathy and I 'Do' know what you're going through.

My Story

I was only around six weeks pregnant, 2 days before I started spotting I had only just done the test and viewed that thick pink positive line on the little stick! Anyhow, there it was, little spots of blood, I hadn't even been to the doctor about being pregnant yet, and had only just told my partner the good news. So I read some info I found on the net. Rest (that's what it said) - and that's what I did, put my feet up and turned my back on the hoovering and the ironing.The bleeding stopped, and I was over the moon. So I started to carry on as normal again, a couple of days later, the bleeding started again, heavier this time, but on and off again. This carried on for a few days until it was just like a normal period. My baby was gone! I went through denial at first, even when the bleeding was quite heavy I tried to kid myself that it would still be ok and the baby would still be there. Then the anger - "why me? What have I done to deserve this?" then the complete overwhelming sadness. You will ask yourself questions, 'was it a boy or girl?' 'was it my fault?' 'could I have done anything to stop this from happening?'

The truth of the matter is that you probably wouldn't have been able to do anything to stop it. A miscarriage takes place because there are either abnormalities with the foetus, the foetus has already died, or in some cases there is no baby there at all, the gestational sac is there, but the foetus is either absent or has stopped growing very early on. It's highly unlikely that you will find out what has happened unless you have extensive testing.

There are things that can be done to try and prevent miscarriage, a lot of these really should be practised well before conception has taken place.

Stop smoking
keep alcohol to a complete minimum
Don't take recreational drugs
Obesity can increase the risk, so if you are overweight, then try to stick to a sensible diet.
Try to cut back on caffeine

The risk of miscarriage drops drastically at around 8 weeks,

Other Peoples Reactions

Sometimes people don't know what to say to you when you miscarry a baby, sometimes they will say things like "at least you weren't that pregnant!" or "it could be worse, you could have been in the second trimester". This is true, but you have lost a baby, whether you are 6 weeks or 16 weeks or later, you were still carrying that life inside. Then people will probably try to avoid the subject altogether, either because they don't know how to approach the subject or they will think it's easy to get over (and they think you're over it already).

The facts

Up to 6 weeks in pregnancy, miscarriage is termed as 'early pregnancy loss', 6 weeks to around twenty weeks miscarriage is termed as ' spontaneous abortion' although this is often frowned upon as a very harsh description. After approx twenty weeks, it is called a 'stillbirth'.

Miscarriage will end in one of a couple of ways, either a complete miscarriage where all aspects of conception are expelled, in other words everything happens naturally and nothing is left behind.Partial miscarriage requires medical treatment, including scans and medication, some aspects of conception will be left inside and the medication should help things along to a full miscarriage. This should happen in 95% of cases, if this doesn't happen then surgical treatment will be needed. The easiest and fastest way to treat the patient is by vacuum aspiration (D+C). After this has been carried out, there should be alot less bleeding and very little pain.Bleeding will last around 10 days, although it will differ in each case, and your normal period should return around 6 weeks later, maybe a little longer if you don't have regular periods. You are fertile again during this time, so if you don't want to get pregnant straight away, use some form of contraception.

Physical & Emotional

physical recovery is a lot faster than psychological recovery. Some women will bounce straight back, others won't find it quite as easy and will need to complete a grieving process. There is no time limit that can be put on this very emotional stage. I was upset for a month or so, and still thinking about the baby I had lost 3 months later, although this was eased greatly when I discovered I was pregnant with Lauren.

Grief counselling should be considered if you are having a really hard time coming to terms with what has happened. Your doctor will provide details of who to contact.Don't forget too that the father could also be feeling very emotional, but he may try to be strong for you, so get him to talk about his feelings, this could help both of you. The miscarriage association is a really good site with lots of helpful information, and is worth having a look at.

Any bleeding in pregnancy should be reported to your doctor who will advise you what to do, only around half of women who bleed during pregnancy actually go on to lose their baby. If the bleeding is accompanied with pain, there could be other complications, such as ectopic pregnancy so get yourself checked over immediately, if you can't contact your doctor, a trip to A&E is in order.

You can try again to get pregnant as soon as you wish, doctors normally advise to wait until after 2 or 3 normal periods, but it really is a personal choice. Take into account how you feel physically and emotionally, and then when you're ready - Try again!

Read more about pregnancy after miscarriage, how long should it take? What are the chances of it happening again?

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